


Being Dan

by analester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depressing Thoughts, Gen, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, general sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analester/pseuds/analester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>being dan is hard and sometimes, dan doesn't want to be dan anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Dan

Being Dan is like being numb. It’s like being invisible with no one to talk to or noticing him. It’s like losing energy constantly every time someone talks to him and doesn’t want to talk to them anymore, but it’s like craving attention and love from the people he pushes away. It’s like sending a text and no one replies, but he doesn’t feel sad. He feels numb. He’s used to it.

It’s like someone asking if he’s okay and he has no other choice but to say _/yes/_ because he doesn’t want people rolling their eyes at him because they think he’s overreacting. Being Dan is like being tired all the time and being sad over nothing because no one pays attention to him and he feels so fucking guilty for being such an attention whore. He thinks it’s part of being human, to crave attention, but he can’t help but feel like he’s the biggest one alive, and he just wants it all to stop.

It’s like being the friend that’s always there for someone when they need him, but they’re never there for him. It’s like being forever isolated and unwanted. It’s like being alone and wanting to be alone, but wanting company and someone there to care for him.

Being Dan is like disappointing everyone. His followers, his friends, _/himself/._ Everyone and everything is disappoint, / _disappoint/, /DISAPPOINT./_

It’s like being tired all the time, but then seeing one little thing and he’s happy again. He doesn’t even know why one little thing like that happens, but it does, and he hates himself just a bit because of it.

It’s like living in a bottomless pit and having a few people call out to him, but all he hears is muffles as he drowns in his own sea of self pity, piling up everyday. Living in heaps of stress as everyone around him expects something / _more_ / and he doesn’t want to be here anymore because everything around him is draining energy out of him and why would he use the rest of his energy to just be sad?

He’s had many people tell him that they care, and he knows they do, and he knows how devastated they would be if he ever just / _left_ / and he feels selfish and scared because that’s all he wants to do these days and he doesn’t know what else to do anymore because he can’t fucking breathe.

Being Dan is like crying silently so he doesn’t have to bother others and faking smiles so they don’t have to worry about him.

Being Dan is like hiding behind his regular happy persona.

And sometimes,

Dan doesn’t want to be Dan anymore.


End file.
